When Hope Dies

“How foolish the dreamer who hopes in dreams. How blind the one who does not see the reality that lies before him. How pitiful the pessimist who has failed to understand that reality is based upon the fulfillment of our dreams or the loss of them.”

Our passions in life are what motivates us and drives us. When we lose the thing we love or give up on using our gifts it always leaves a very big whole in our hearts. I have always loved writing and reading, yet even though I love to sing and act I never understand that my love for these all stemmed out of my love of writing and being a storyteller. For a number of years I had stopped writing poetry and even short stories and could not understand why it was I use to be so miserable. Life seemed to be taking me to task from one trial to the next. Many times we are faced with trying experiences, which can completely consume us and during these we rarely care to use our gifts.

I had stopped writing for a number of years and did not feel inspired too. Going from one form of disappointment to the next I never picked up a pen. What was the point? One night after getting out of another bad break up, I sat down to write how I was feeling. I just wanted to vent through my pen like I use too. I stared at the paper and for an entire hour all I saw staring back at me was a blank page. I thought I was experiencing writers block, yet I could see all of the words clearly in my mind but every time I went to write something I felt the most tremendous pressure and pain in my heart. I was completely confused. I said a short prayer, gave up and went to bed.

Upon waking the next morning I was still upset and decided to try again. It took all of my concentration to get out just a few lines. When I had gotten those words out, I read what I had written and did not even notice that tears were rolling down my cheek as I was reading. The words staring back at me from the paper said, “I am wrapped in a cloak of hopelessness and my only lover is pain. I see no point in continuing this wretched journey called life. For everything and everyone I have loved has deserted me and I am empty of a reason to live.”

I had not written for a very long time. Yet the words on this plain sheet of paper were a culmination of all I was feeling for so very long. I had pushed through the pain of loss without properly grieving. I had gone from one relationship to the next without properly healing. In the process of everything to make matters worse, I had closed off my heart and did not even utilize the gift God gave me to share with the world but to also peer into my own soul and know what was going on.

I HAD SIMPLY LOSS HOPE!

A Moment of Clarity

“1 Corinthians 13:13 says: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”  Hope is listed with the three fundamental platforms for spiritual growth and development. Much is said of faith and the importance of love, yet very little importance is given to the true value of hope.

Faith will help you to believe in that which is promised of God but unseen to the physical eyes, but exists in the spirit. Love will bind you to God, others and give you the motivation and devotion to act upon your faith. Yet it is hope that binds the two. For it is hope that when held within our bosom keeps us from giving up when our faith is tested. It is hope which drives us to move forward when our love is unrequited and even unappreciated. Yet without hope a man’s heart, will dry up like the Sahara and be completely consumed with despair. Without hope, our lives fill up with nothing but hurt and negatives. For when we give up on our hope, we cannot ever truly practice faith or enjoy sharing or being loved for we will not think there is any sincere value in any of it.

It was faith that God was able to keep his promise that made Abraham willing to sacrifice his promised son, love for God that made him be willing to do it but hope that God could change the circumstance that enabled him to even take the first step.

Today I encourage you to never give up hope in God, yourself or the value of your life and gifts. Remember we are all on a journey in life together as you learn each day to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Sharing Love and giving Hope is like wrapping and strengthening a strand of thread with steel wiring. Love is always hopeful and together strengthens our Faith even if it is just a weak thread.

Talking With God

“What is wrong with you?”

We seem sometimes to fail to understand just how important communication is in our daily lives. Whether it is our relationships with love ones or friends or our co-workers daily, our communication needs to always be clear so others can understand us. I thought about this to myself as I sat in my bosses’ office taking a tongue lashing for a mis-communication between myself and another coworker that caused us to lose an important client.

At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I had called the client and told them honestly we would not be able to provide the services they requested at the time they needed. The client took this to mean we did not want to do business with them. Unknown to me the client had told my supervisors if they had any more problems with their account or service they would pull their account from our company. How this client’s account got on my desk I still don’t know and even now wondered if God was punishing me for something.

I had not prayed or talked to God in months. My first line of communication had just been opened because the first thing I said was, “Lord help me.” I found it ironic how easily we call on God when we are in trouble but forget to sometimes just say thank you even for God protecting us from leaving home and returning safely daily. When my boss was done I held my head on my desk completely confused as what to do and whether or not I still had a job. My boss did not say anything about firing me but based on his mood I had seen him fire others for less.

As soft as a gentle breeze I heard a voice speak to me and say, “It will be alright.” For a moment I thought I was just delirious from the stress of my employer’s tirade but then I heard it again. This time I realized it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me and giving me comfort in my distress. Without me saying more than help me in my heart, God had heard and answered my cry. I felt ashamed and yet grateful at the same time.  I know I had not prayed to God for months and had been so busy and occupied with living my life. I had forgotten that the very life I was living was God’s gift. I prayed daily growing up because of my grandmother’s guidance but had forgotten just how important talking to God daily was. Even though I was still shaken from my employer’s shouting deluge, I was grateful for the reminder of how good it was to be able to talk to God daily in my life and hear a reply. I never forgot that lesson again.

Moment of Clarity

The bible speaks of how Jesus rose early to speak to God in prayer and take time to commune privately. Job made it his daily task to pray for his entire family early every morning. Our daily relationship with life and others begins and ends with our relationship with God. It is not our religion or what we say that matters but the fact we take time to speak with God daily. It gives us courage, strength and focus to face our day and even the unknown circumstances we will experience.

Life can be very trying and unpredictable, yet our one assurance in all we face is that God is with us and will never leave or desert us. Many times we face unnecessary trouble and sorrows, simply because we do not take the time to seek counsel from God or those that our Creator would send into our paths to assist us. We are not meant to live our lives as rudderless ships. Many times we wonder why God allows certain things to happen, yet a lot happens that is hurtful or harmful because we do not daily value the guidance God would give if only we seek him in all we do. Whether we are happy or sad, we can always find solace in the pursuit of a daily conversation with our maker.  God will never intrude rudely but patiently and loving waits for us to speak and also listen for a reply.

How often should I pray and talk to God? Constantly with no shame or feeling we are incapable of running our own affairs. Our business here on earth is to serve God and live productive and loving lives to increase the kingdom of love and light, who better to seek daily guidance, love and inspiration from than the one who created us.  I encourage you brothers and sisters in love daily talk to God and daily strive to be a Beacon of Life.

Beam of Light for the Week

Speaking from our hearts frees us from burdens we would otherwise have to carry. Speaking honestly about how you feel helps us to develop better relationship with others, ourselves and God.

Getting out of the Box

I watched a mouse run up and down through the maze that was set up for it and completely related. I was in college and working toward my Pre-engineering degree and was doing a Psychology class. The topic of the class was ‘how we developed a particular behavior based on a particular stimulus’.  Even when the stimulus had been removed we still exhibited the same behavior. The mouse in this case was trained to run from one end of a maze to the other to find the pieces of cheese that had been carefully placed within in it. Even when the cheese was removed the mouse was still running from one end to the next. I felt the same way in my life. I was just running from one thing to the next and felt there was no real purpose behind it.

I loved college life and was working a part-time job in the evening as a bus person.  I was making some money for myself and my classes this semester was not to challenging but regardless of all of this I felt my life was taking no particular direction. I had one more semester and I would have been completed with my degree, yet I did not know what I would do next. Locally there was nowhere to complete my Bachelor’s degree and I did not have either the money or the GPA I would have liked to apply for a scholarship. I did not know what to do. I watched the mouse run back and forth and saw myself just running from pillar to post.

What was the point? I left class feeling depressed and when I arrived home, I felt even worst.  One week turned to two and my best friend saw the change in my demeanor and asked me what was wrong. I explained to him how I was feeling and that I felt even after getting my degree there was no way I would be able to get the job I wanted.  My heart’s desire at the time was to be a Computer and Electrical Engineer. My friend literally laughed in my face and just made me feel worst.  I looked at him and was completely crushed by the fact I had openly divulged to him how I was feeling and he just laughed at me. My best friend smiled at and me and told me I had nothing to worry about. He was in a different major but understood how I felt. He began to tell me a plan of how I could follow through with my degree, get a job and still follow my dream. By the time he had finished speaking I felt a whole lot better.

I was only thinking about the way we traditionally got our degrees, looked for a job and followed what everyone else did. My best friend was an angel sent. I had never thought of the plan he had explained to me. I was going to be leaving college with an associated degree. He pointed out to me that I could have joined the Defense Force at that time and since I had a degree I would have been coming in as an officer. I would only have to serve for a certain number of years and could have retired if I so desired. In the progress of my service I would have been able to further my training, obtain my degree while still utilizing my skills to benefit both the organization and myself. I was so depressed all I could see was what was before me and the traditional root everyone else followed, which was get a degree, get a job, save some money then try to complete your degree if you could not afford to right away.

A Moment of Clarity

The beauty of our lives is that there is no completely wrong or right path to follow if we allow God to lead. When we follow only what we are given traditionally and do not allow room to think or act outside of our regular routines we miss many opportunities for God to show us how wonderfully creative He is and can be through us.  When we follow the paths others have set, it gives us a sense of security but it may not bring us happiness or sincere joy God wants us to truly experience while we are here on earth. Life will not always follow the way we want but when we learn to not just follow learnt behavior but open ourselves for new experiences and ideas we will see that life is a wonderful adventure. I encourage you to try something new and get outside of the box and learn to be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

Beam of Light for the Week 

Tradition is a wonderful step towards progress; however it can be a chain that prevents us from reaching our full potential if they are outdated. Learn each day to build upon the traditions of our past as we progress towards our future.

Please feel free to comment what you think about the articles. 
I can be contacted at beaumonttodd@gmail.com

Past Wounds Present Sores

“Ouch,” I cried. I fell again for the sixth time. “I can’t do this!” I shouted. I stormed inside and slammed the door. Frustrated and discouraged, I sat and whined. I watched the other children and felt that they were taunting me as they rode up and down the street.

“What happened?” my aunt asked as I sat sulking. “I hate that bicycle!” I shouted.

My aunt smiled,” And what could the bicycle have done to possible gander such anger and disdain from you?” I went on to explain how I just kept falling off and how everyone laughed at me. My aunt kissed the top of my head and encouraged me to take a break away from trying, then to go back at it.

“This is impossible,” I growled at my cousin. Years later here I was trying to learn to drive a standard shift car I had recently bought. I had never driven a manual car before and it was exasperating trying to figure out how to use the clutch and to balance out using the gas pedal. “Hey you bought the car,” my cousin replied as he held his hands out. I was completely annoyed and felt like giving up. My cousin was being patient but I wasn’t getting it. Every time I tried to move the car it just stalled and shut off. As I was listening to him explain to me how to balance using the clutch and gas pedal as one unit, I started to think back to when I was first learning to ride a bike.

I still remember dusting dirt off myself a week after my aunt had encouraged me to be patient and try again. I was on my tenth fall and was ready to run back inside. Inside my heart I did not feel like giving up. My cousin was patient even then trying to help me learn how to ride. I looked at him and he told me it is up to you. He told me to believe in myself. I picked the bicycle up and determined in my heart to try again. As I rode the first five feet, I felt good but fell again. This time I did not feel as discouraged because I had managed to make some type of progress. It took me another ten more tries before I was able to ride smoothly without losing my balance. By the end of the day I was a bike rider and proud.

The engine sputtered again, but the car stayed on. I was able to go at least a quarter mile before the car sputtered and died. My cousin smiled at me with a cocky look like a peacock. “Ok, Ok you were right.” I laughed back as I tried again. By the end of the day I was driving with enough efficiency that I could manage to move without my engine shutting off. I was still timid about coming out of corners but I was able to at least manage to move from one point to another without being embarrassed about the car shutting off.

A Moment of Clarity

As children we learn the foundation of the habits and skills that will either help or hurt us as we grow and mature. Many times the hurts and disappointments we experience as children can turn into resentment and bitterness as adults if we never learn to properly confront such.  The fear of failure can grip and keep many persons from trying to achieve more in their lives. This is due to not wanting to face either disappointment or failure of achieving a set goal. We can further feel embarrassment, a sense of deep emotional lack on an individual’s part or even develop a sense that one is not good enough and should not try.

As individuals God has given all of us an individually unique path in life to walk. On this path we sometimes have a smooth walk and at others the path is quite rocky and difficult. The purpose of the smooth path is to give us opportunities to prepare for the times life will not go as well or smoothly as we like. The rocky paths are for us to learn and develop the skills or even new skills we need to grow and enjoy when we are on smooth paths. Often we do not take advantage of the rocky paths as God intended but instead became engrossed in the emotional baggage we develop on the way and miss the lessons completely.  This usually begins from childhood when the hurts or disappoints we experience we carry with us as adult and never properly learn to confront conflicts or disappointment. Today I encourage you to let your old hurts heal so they won’t be sores today as your learn each day to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Say I love you to the people you cherish daily and never let a moment pass without showing gratitude when the opportunity presents itself.

TEARS THAT HEAL

How often have I heard as a boy growing up, “boy shut up men don’t cry.”  Words that seem to plague most of our men and boys in this country when it comes to understanding how to express our emotions and pain with out having our manhood called into question. Today was a day I did not care who saw me crying or not. The pain in my heart and chest felt as if a black hole in space had pulled all of my emotions out of me except for grief. A grief that consumed me so completely, that I was completely unaware of the fact that I was crying and who was around me.

I stared as if in some bad dream at the form I knew often. The smile that often gave me encouragement and the hands that tickled me as a little boy and made me laugh even when I did not feel like laughing now lay listless and lifeless. Disbelief and sorrow were my only companions at this moment. I had watched for a number of years as sickness had made the man I knew seem frailer and frailer in his body. However regardless of what struggles he faced, his spirit still remained strong and he was undaunted by circumstances that would have made most persons give up completely on life.

I was unaware of the stream of tears as they poured as a river out of my eyes. I heard the cries and saw the same pain reflected in the faces of my surrounding family members. Here lay, a man I respected, that helped to raise me, and named me, giving me both a purpose and a calling even through the name I was gifted with.  I loved my uncle dearly and the pain at seeing him suffer as his body deteriorated due to sickness broke my heart. Knowing there was nothing I could do for him, made the pain even more unbearable.  Yet daily except when the pain must have been to its most excruciating points I never once remember hearing him complain.

For the first time in my life, I saw something I never thought I would.  My grandfather was silently crying to himself.  This was a man I had seen remove an entire engine out by himself and was a man’s man in every way. Yet this day, upon his son’s burial his tears flowed freely as the very air we breathe.  There was no shame in his eyes, only pain and unbearable sadness. It was not encouragement for me to cry further but a revelation and understanding of how natural God had made our tears to be regardless of our gender.

I was anxious for the ceremony to be over. I could not tell you at what point the final words were spoken at the gravesite. All I knew were a lot of my memories felt as if they were being buried in that grave with each new shovel of earth heaved upon the glistening casket. Even now when I think back at that day the experience still brings a tear of sadness at my loss of such a good friend, role model and family member. Yet I am still grateful his suffering has ended.

A Moment of Clarity

We all have experienced in life some type of traumatic experience. Life can be very dismal at times and blissful at others.  Regardless of our gender, nationality or racial differences, our society teaches us sometimes to ignore the very gift God has given us in our tears.  We tell men and sometimes even women that our tears are a sign of weakness without fully understanding the mechanisms behind its purpose.  If our very tears were not meant for a purpose beyond just expressing our sorrow God would not have gifted them to us.

Physically our tears are meant to assist in keeping our eyes protected, moistened and to help remove any foreign particles from our eyes. Enabling us to continue seeing this beautiful world we are gifted with and enjoy the sight of a lovely sunrise amongst other visions of beauty.

In the same manner our tears are also a sign of release and healing from both emotional and spiritual pressures and toxins that can build up in our minds, bodies and soul just from day to day interactions. A great general in the American Army is quoted as saying ‘I am more afraid of a man and untrusting of one that does not know how to shed tears and believes that is strength, than someone who can be moved to tears in compassion.’

Our nation is in a state of trauma and pain where a lot of us are holding in sorrow, grief and despair from our daily lives. God admonished us to go into our closet to pray but also to place our woes in His hands. If that means you have to shed some tears to allow Him to empty you, heal you and then place you back on track I encourage you to do so. If God did not mean for our tears to help He would not have given them. Remember a good cry can clear both the eyes and sometimes the soul and each day strive to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Our hearts are like gardens. What we sow in them is what we will reap. So remember to sow seeds of love, peace and joy so that we can reap and share the same.

Dark Clouds

It was a regular dark night and I was working a part-time job as a Dominoes delivery driver.  Being ambitious I pursued trying to secure a more stable financial position for myself and my future.  The future like many of the great mysteries of life is veiled in uncertainty and no factual reassurances except those we base upon a foundation of faith.  For in wisdom, one will plan his future, set his goals and pursue them with a feverish passion to see those future endeavors become a reality.  Tonight was one such night for me.  I had dreamed of being able to save sufficient funds to procure myself a new personal computer.  In regards of over-all goal setting this might seem like a small matter but the lesson for me was not in what my goal’s pursuit was but the simple reality that we do not control every instance of our lives. 

I was on my last delivery for the night and it had been both an enjoyable and profitable night for me.  Little did I know my high spirits would soon be changed to one of a drearier and wretched state because of unforeseen circumstances?  I counted myself lucky to be on my last delivery then my first instance of misfortune occurred. I blew out a tire turning into Cottonwood corner in Pinewood Gardens.  It had been raining previously that day and I had not seen the sink-hole in the road.  I got out of my car to get my spare tire and jack only to discover misfortune number two.  I had lent out my jack to my cousin and he neither returned it nor did I remember that I had given it to him before now.  I could have kicked myself for being so forgetful and irresponsible for something so essential.

Luckily for me I was not too far away from a friend’s house but here was my next dilemma.   I was already forty minutes late with delivering my order from the time I spoke with my customer and my order was twenty minutes late leaving the store being an hour late in total.  My customer was located on the main Bamboo Boulevard and I decided to just walk and deliver his order before it got any later.

I was no more than fifteen feet from my customer’s house when it started to rain.  I ran so that his order would not have gotten wet since the bag offered it some protection.  I apologized for my tardiness and trudged back to my car cursing the rain on my way.  I was now drenched and it was dark and hard to see to change a tire.  Graciously my friend was home and lent me her tire jack.  Eventually I was able to get the tire changed and started my journey back to the store.

I was so exhausted from my day’s activities and disheartened by all of the miss-happenings I fell asleep in my car in the parking lot to the store.  I do not recall how long I was asleep but when I awoke I was still upset about what had happened that evening.  When I entered the store I saw by the expression on some of my co-workers faces that they were in shock and others were crying. To my disbelief, during the time I had taken a nap the store had been robbed at gun-point.  If I had entered the store at the approximate time I would have walked right into the robbery and possibly gotten hurt or caused someone else to have gotten hurt by startling the robber. As difficult as my evening was and although it appeared there was nothing but dark clouds blocking my view, those very dark clouds protected me and gave me a new perspective on how difficulties are not always meant to harm or discourage us as we journey in this life. 

 A Moment of Clarity

There will always be circumstances that cause dark clouds in your life where everything appears bleak and as if the very universe has turned against you.  Moments would make you want to despair, get angry and curse everything. It is hard to see a silver lining when all around appears to be bleak and not going your way.  Remember always that as difficult as it is to deal with painful and sometimes unexpected circumstances that those very circumstances can offer us the best opportunities to grow as individuals and even bring protection from even more dire situations.  Be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

The words thank you takes less than a second to say in most languages but a moment of gratitude is all it takes to impact a heart permanently.

It’s A Family Affair

“Boss you can’t give me a dolla aye or some change please. I just wah get me sumpthin to eat or drink.” Yeah right, I was thinking. “Are you sure you’re going to get something to eat?” I asked hesitantly. I hoped he would get food. “Yea, yea.  Tanks.” I drove off thinking why he doesn’t get a job, and why is he on the street. Doesn’t he have family that can help him?

It seemed as if every corner I passed I saw someone begging, either sitting in a wheelchair, standing on a corner on a crutch or just plain looking dirty in need of a hand-out. Hey I give the people who in a wheelchair or even a crutch a little excuse but the rest of them just plain lazy and need to find something to do.  Even if it is just washing cars or selling peanuts, at least it will be honest and better than begging.

I kept driving that day still thinking over again and again, I don’t know what wrong with my country.  As I passed one of the National Insurance buildings I saw a long line of people and for a brief moment I swore I saw the same beggar from earlier on that line just wearing better clothing. Instead of his dirty rags, he had on some nice white and red Nike Tennis, with a black and red striped Ralph Lauren shirt that matched the tennis and black jeans.  The thing I noticed the most was the silver chain on his neck and matching hand bangle.  Yet with his nice attire he was still on the social services line looking for his monthly food coupon, because this was the day food coupons was given out. Now whether I was just hallucinating from the summer heat or it was really him, I just don’t know at this point.

As I drove past I felt a pang of guilty conscience in judging the persons on the street earlier. It is so funny how easy it is to forget when things in our lives get better than they were, where we came from.  It was not the fact that the persons on social services were asking for a hand-out same as the beggar on the street that hit me because they were in need.  It was the fact that not too long ago it was me nicely dressed up and on social services line in need of help. I wasn’t begging or not trying to get work.  I was not even unemployed a long time or uneducated. Actually I had two degrees but still could not find work at the time.

Yes we were constantly being told the economy is in a recession, yet it seemed as if everything was still going up price wise and a lot of businesses were prospering even though many were still closing down. Yet here I was an educated, and well-spoken young man, no bum on the street, at least I thought to myself, on the National Insurance line asking the lady at the counter, “ Hey miss my check aint ready aye, I just wan get something to eat or drink ya see.”

A Moment of Clarity

It is very easy during this season of sharing and love to forget those that do not fall within our category of immediate family or friends.  Yet even if we are not directly related we are all family in this nation and connected. What affects even the smallest member of our society affects us all.  The bum on the street could be one of our aunts or uncles, or even ourselves if we had taken one step wrongly to the left or right in life. Even more so if it was not for God’s Grace simply keeping us in our day to day lives. As we share this season please let’s take time to remember those who may not have the same benefits as we do or even the ability to enjoy the same due to circumstances.  Let’s also not judge so harshly and forget just like those in need who do not allow their pride to keep them from asking for help so were we spiritual bums in our lives.

John 3:16 says for God so loved the world HE gave to us His only beloved son, which is the reason we celebrate these festivities during this time and season.  For God saw the need in our lives for spiritual provisions, He opened the spiritual Social Services door so that all who are heavy burdened can come unto Him and receive rest and have their needs met.

If not by direct donations of food, time to shelters or any place else that gives to those in need, let’s remember to pray for one another this season not knowing truly sometimes what our neighbour is going through and to be our brother and sisters keeper.

We are all family, so I pray we remember to show love to one another even as we celebrate with our own individual families and remember each day to be a Beacon of Light.

Beam of Light for the Week

Love is all. From atoms that make up physical matter to the powers and principalities that govern the seen and unseen, all were made with love. So give love each day.