A Shattered Heart

“Get out of the way,” I screamed as loudly as I could. I careened the car to just narrowly avoid hitting the little girl by no more than a hairsbreadth. She had suddenly walked into the street out of nowhere, without any warning. I brought the car to a stop and felt my heart beating in my throat. “What were you thinking?” I shouted at her still angry by the fact she ran into the street but even more so by the fact I was terrified out of my mind of having come so close to hitting her and possibly taking her life. My mind raced a thousand miles a second. The only thought I had was what if it were one of my children and was about to begin another tirade of how foolish she was for running into the street until I saw her facial expression.

I looked into the little girls eyes and saw how frightened she truly was. Even more terrified than I had been for nearly hitting her. I took a deep breath, calmed myself and asked her name. She told me still shivering with fright and stuttering as she pronounced her name. “Why did you run into the road like that?” I asked now finally able to control the anger in my voice. “A dog was chasing me,” she said in a quiet voice and began to cry. I comforted the child and helped her find her way back home. As I pulled off from the child’s house, after having to explain to her mother what had happened, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I turned on the radio to listen to some music as I headed home. One of my favorite artists, Music Soul child, was singing one of my favorite melodies, Love. As I finally was beginning to settle after still being a little shaken from nearly hitting the little girl a news report interrupted the music. My heart stopped and blood ran cold as I listened to the reporter describe the scene of an accident. Apparently a little child was crossing the street in front of a bus that let her off and another bus driver trying to overtake hit and killed the child as the child was crossing the street.

For a moment I don’t know if I was simply in a bad dream or a living nightmare. The reporter continued to report how those persons who were on the scene attacked the driver in a rage. I felt comforted by that but also saddened at the same time. However, the full realization of the fact that it could have been me a few minutes earlier or even my child hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, thinking of the child I narrowly missed, my own children, and the parents of that child, who now carried the burden of a shattered heart after losing their little one.

 A Moment of Clarity

The Bible speaks of God’s wrath in the Old Testament in many places. Yet even in God’s anger, there is always room for love. We daily cannot begin to fathom how much more God loves us than wants and desires to be angry over some of our foolish choices. Jesus spoke of being angry but not sinning. Anger alone is not a sin, yet how we deal with our anger can lead to sin or even salvation.  In his wrath Cain killed Abel, in his anger David condemned his own selfish actions, and even Moses in his anger caused himself not to be able to walk into the ‘Promise Land.’

Many times in our lives we face things that greatly affect us and stir us to anger. A lot of those times are in regard to things that have caused us to have a broken or even shattered heart. Yet even in our pain and anger, we can still learn to find hope and ask God to turn the pain of loss or even betrayal to something that can be used to bring glory to Heaven’s kingdom. It is not easy when someone hurts us to always forgive. Forgiveness is a process. It is not a onetime thing forgiving someone. It might take years until you are finally free from the pain someone has caused you or even you another individual. Yet the pursuit of love and forgiveness is easier than carrying the burden of anger and a shattered heart.

As we work daily to pursue excellence in our lives I encourage you to pursue love to overcome anger and hate and be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Anger is like a poison that saps away our strength and very lives. Yet love is the balm that heals all, pursue love and healing in your lives daily.

Love Deprivation

“Breathe! Breathe!” I screamed internally as hard as I could as I watched my little one fight to grasp a breath of air. I knew what it was to have difficulty breathing, growing up I was asthmatic as a child. My heart grieved within my chest, knowing there was nothing more I could do except let the doctor do his work. I could not begin to imagine what I would do if something happened to my bundle of joy. Love was a word I used in many relationships. Until this one I don’t think I ever really understood what it was to give a completely unconditional love without looking for something in return. It was a long night.

My patience was tried and I wanted to rest, however just waiting to hear what the doctor had to say kept me up. I thought of all the things I should have done but either failed to do or just made excuses at the time.

I said a silent prayer to God asking for everything to be alright and promised I would spend more time, and pay more attention once He allowed everything to be alright. An hour seemed like ten, and two like an eternity had passed. Finally I saw the approach of a white robe. I was uncertain if it was the same doctor until he stood right in front of me and said everything was alright.  It was a slight case of pneumonia the doctor went on to say.  He further explained the cause of what possibly caused it but I only heard everything would be alright. I thanked God in my heart and could not wait to see my baby and know she would be alright. I paid attention to the doctor’s explanation and the medication he said to buy. The words I had been waiting to hear all-night finally came. “You can take her home,” he said.

The words echoed in my heart and I was awash with joy knowing my little one was going to be alright and she was coming home.

When we finally arrived home, I quickly wrapped her up and took her inside to avoid any night air getting on her.  As I laid her down to sleep, my attention was drawn to the news report on the television. Apparently, a mother was being tried for killing her child and burying the child’s body in the woods. It was a story that happened in the United States. I looked at my little one now sleeping calmly and breathing a lot clearer than she was hours before and a tear rolled down my cheek.  Just from the thought of her not being able to breathe my heart was grieved, how much more to have her life taken or even worse to take her life by my own hand. I was dismayed and completely traumatized to think how any parent could be so cruel to deprive their child of life and more so love.

 A Moment of Clarity

As little children of God, He is constantly grieved to see us hurt or in pain when He would so willing pour His love as a river of living water into our lives. Even more so how often do we grieve God even further when we fail to love one another and give God the opportunity to use us to pour love into the lives of others and even our own.  We look around us and see crime constantly increasing and becoming more violent. Unemployment, poverty and depravity becoming the norm, and we would ask where is love in any of this. Christ said all the laws and rules were summed up in two commands. Love God with all you are and have and love your neighbor as you love yourself.

During this season and time that romantic love is so celebrated a lot of time we get caught up in the material aspect, worrying about what gift we will get and completely forget the spirit of the season.  In the world we live in today, it is a deprivation of sincerely genuine love in our homes, relationships, communities that has caused us to be in the trouble we see all around us. To coin a phrase, “Hurt people, Hurt people.” I encourage you during this time of Valentine and love to remember the beauty of love. For simply God is love. Love one another with sincerity and allow God to use your lives as a fountain to pour His love through. As we work and toil to fill each home with love and stave off the overflow of love deprivation that exists in our world to today let each of us be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

There is nothing more powerful than a bond forged out of love. Love is what holds the planets, stars and universe in place, so I encourage you to forge everlasting bonds filled with love today.

One Step Forward

I watched as the first rain drops fell slowly. It very quickly went from a slow drizzle to a torrent and hard downpour. As hard as it was raining I did not mind and barely noticed. Being wet and soaked to my bones actually made me feel a whole lot better. I find it ironic how life often will give you what you desire when you ask. However when you receive it you find it is barely all you thought it would be. This was one of those days for me.

I had desperately wanted to get my own place and move away from home. I had become restless and felt it was time to have my independence. I had made all of my decisions without any consultation but regardless, they were my decisions. I had already bought my own vehicle and did not have any problems with my payments. I decided to have my mortgage refinanced so I could move out on my own. I was so excited when I first applied and even more elated when I had received my approbation. I was finally on my way and would be my own man.

I thought I had covered all my necessary considerations. My car was being repaired at the moment, and even that had did not dampen my spirits. I had been catching the bus for two weeks and sometimes it was tiresome. However even public transit could not ruin my day today. I was getting my money and would be able to get my own place. I was finally making headway in my life and taking my steps forward to being completely independent.

I stopped just short of falling. I did not see the piece of wood protruded in the street due to the level of the precipitation. I righted myself and I continued walking in the rain toward home. At this time home was my Grandmother and Grandfather’s house, where I grew up. I barely recalled what the loan officer had said about the mortgage. The only thing that stuck out in my mind was the new interest rate and the amount of time it would take to pay the additional monies back. I felt foolish. I was so excited by my newly conceived freedom that I did not consider or ask everything I needed too. I looked to heaven and asked God if this was a cruel joke for me simply wanting my own freedom.

 A week turned into two and I had reclaimed my vehicle and had begun my search for my own apartment. Even though I had felt originally discouraged by my new mortgage and could have made better decisions how I went about getting out, I was moving forward. It was one bump in the road but I keep focused on gaining my sense of independence and to my step forward.

A Moment of Clarity

In Philippians 3:14 Paul states ‘I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ... from the ... with my eyes fixed on the goal I push on to secure the prize of God's heavenward call in Christ Jesus!’ Paul understood that life would not always be straight forward and that no matter how well you planned life would bring you unexpected surprises. Even with all he went through nonetheless he keep his eyes, heart and mind fixed on his true goal and purpose which was to see Christ at the end of his journey.

Not every day will be a day you feel like smiling. Not every day you will feel elated and that life is a wonderful journey. Yet it is just that a journey. Like any journey you will have your highs and lows, valleys and mountain tops but regardless, trust in God and always press forward.

God knows our strengths and weaknesses, better than we know them ourselves. Yet we are constantly encouraged to trust God even though we will encounter troubles. Yet God know this is for us to learn not just to trust but also for us to grow and keep us moving forward and not becoming complacent in our comfort zones.

Some lessons are so much harder to learn and comprehend than others. Sometimes we feel alone and deserted like no one understands, yet God understand. Even then we are encouraged if we cannot stand to stand and press forward. For even though life’s journey will test us sometimes to the point we feel destitute of strength all we can do is take our journeys and move forward one step at a time.  Press forward I encourage you as you work towards your goals and purpose in life and be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

Beam of Light for the Week 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Push Towards your goals one step at a time.

Walking A Mile

I looked down at the ground as I walked my long journey home. It was already dark and it looked as it was going to rain. Frustrated, I cursed under my breath to myself. Here I was walking my bike home with a busted tire. I had laughed at a friend a day ago and called him stupid because he was riding in the rain and had gotten a flat because he dropped in a pot hole filled with water and did not see what had ruptured his tire. Now a day later I am walking home with my own bicycle miles from home and not  even a gas station or tire shop nearby so I can get a patch. I felt so foolish for riding so far by myself with no patch kit but even more so for laughing at my friend in his misfortune.

As I stood on the bank line I wondered why my mind had gone back to that particular memory.  Behind me a woman was clamoring on and on about the service in the bank. She had started to complain until the bank manager eventually came out and was trying to assist the number of tellers that were serving.  A number of other customers had started in with her, which only encouraged the woman to increase her volume.  Little by little I was getting irritated with her constant complaints. I understood the frustration of waiting on the line wanting to be served. However, I knew from experience also the frustration of being a teller and having the customers use you as their target of frustration when there was nothing you could do to speed up the process.

Being a teller was already frustrating trying to work both quickly and accurately, especially when there were only few of you working the line. Most customers came to do one or two transactions, however there were some whose request could take more than a few minutes especially if it was a large transaction.  Regardless of who comes to assist it still only leaves the limited number of tellers to serve and enter the transactions. If you rush, you make errors and customers who want you to work quickly are not very understanding of you making mistakes on their accounts. As a teller you have no control over when your co-workers take breaks or even how much staff you work with. A more friendly and professional demeanor is something that each customer deserves.  I will be hard pressed to lie if I said I wanted to smile with every customer, when I have my supervisors rushing me, the customers rushing me and using me for their target of angry protest.

Ironically, when the customer behind me finally reached the counter she smiled with the teller and told her not to mind the other customers. I walked out of the bank completely appalled by her hypocrisy. Later at a government institution I saw the same customer who was behind me in the bank. Apparently she worked customer service and her customers here were none too happy with the speed of her service.  My mind flashed both to the bank and my friend years ago and I realized how important compassion and patience for others can be and important it is to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

A Moment of Clarity

When the leaders of Israel brought to Christ a woman caught in adultery to see how he would judge or condemn her, he ignored them. Instead of answering their questions Jesus began to write on the ground and continued to ignore them. As they got bolder in their demands and asked him what should be done, he simply answered he who is without sin cast the first stone. On the ground the leaders recognized what Jesus was actually writing was a list of sins and as each one recognized something they were guilty of they walked away ashamed, embarrassed or just angry at Jesus’s actions.

We see our brothers and sisters daily caught up in a number of situations and so easily say, “That would never be me.”  Forgetting it is truly only God’s grace and guidance that has helped us not to step left or right where we would have easily found ourselves in the same predicament or event worse. As none of us is perfect, but on a journey of spiritual perfection, we must remember Christ words not to judge, lest we be judged in the same manner.

It requires patience and love for us to walk a mile in our brothers or sisters shoes to get a true understanding of what another is going through. In addition we all have our crosses to bear and what is one person’s burden today becomes their testimony tomorrow and pillar of strength in the future to help someone else overcome the same.  I encourage you today to be patient with one another and love each other, be not quick to be judgmental and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

Beam of Light for the Week 

It is easy to judge when we have never been in someone’s circumstance. Remember not to judge, least we be judged by the same standard we use and find ourselves in the same situation.

The Road Least Travelled

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind!” shouted the preacher through the television at me.

I looked at the television with boredom. I was tired of hearing another preacher trying to tell me how to live my life. I looked at my grandmother sitting next to me, who was completely engrossed with the message or she bobbed her head up and down in agreement. I wondered if she even understood what the man was really talking about or just agreed because he was preaching.

I keep my disrespectful thoughts to myself. This was the same woman who had taught me how to pray and took me to church on a regular basis growing up. Besides that, she defied the laws of physics with her ability to curve a healed shoe around a corner and still hit you with complete accuracy even when you were out of her line of sight. I subconsciously rubbed the spot on the back of my head even though it had been years since any such occurrence of reprimand. I kissed my grandmother on the head and left for home.

The words the preacher spoke echoed in my mind. Although I did not speak about it to many persons I was completely aggravated by the choices I had before me. I was completely hurt, humiliated and betrayed by someone I trusted and had the opportunity to return the same. Part of me did not care any longer about this individual and only wanted vengeance. I had consulted with some friends and most except for one told me I should just do what I had to do and let God sort it out. I looked at my only dissenting friend with a question of what should I do on my face.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear as he left, “Live for today and tomorrow, do not let the past or pains of yesterday steal your future.” For a moment I felt completely empty and confused. I took my friends advice and let my opportunity for revenge past. Years later upon recognizing his error the individual came and apologized. He said he found out later I had the opportunity to return what he did to me but could never understand why I didn’t. I simply replied, “It is easier to follow my heart, than it is to follow God, but I know if I follow God, I will follow the right choice.”

 A Moment of Clarity

As Jesus and his Disciples were passing by Bartimaeus heard the commotion and inquired what was going. He was told that Jesus and his disciples were passing. Upon hearing this he began to cry out to Jesus saying Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me. The crowd tried to hush him and told him not to bother the Master. At hearing this he cried even louder. Bartimaeus recognized he had a once in a lifetime opportunity that most would pass up because they did not want to make a spectacle of themselves. They would rather suffer in silence than to cry out for assistance. They would rather follow the crowd than be the one who made the entire crowd stop and take note because they would not suffice to remain in their situation any longer.

Pursuing change in our lives usually will be accompanied by some type of pain or discomfort. Whether this is starting a new diet, exercising, changing our habits, leaving a relationship or giving up anything we have become accustomed to, it is difficult and requires both effort and a faith.  Yet if we are to shine as the gems of God and creation we are it requires us to choose the road most would not willingly follow.  This means sometimes we would have to stand alone, yet know God will never leave us alone to deal with anything without His love and guidance when we ask him to lead us.

In our country we are under attack on every front. Whether it is from the point of economics, finances, death, crime and violence to spiritual attack we are to a point we need to pursue the road least travelled by most. We are to the point as a people that we must, with God’s help, purse change and a better future while dealing with our internal problems and strife’s. I encourage you today pursue the road least travelled in your own lives and find the path God has set for you and only you as you learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Our daily choices decide our today and tomorrow. We cannot change the past or guess the future but we can live today and make the decisions now which will better our future.

When Hope Dies

“How foolish the dreamer who hopes in dreams. How blind the one who does not see the reality that lies before him. How pitiful the pessimist who has failed to understand that reality is based upon the fulfillment of our dreams or the loss of them.”

Our passions in life are what motivates us and drives us. When we lose the thing we love or give up on using our gifts it always leaves a very big whole in our hearts. I have always loved writing and reading, yet even though I love to sing and act I never understand that my love for these all stemmed out of my love of writing and being a storyteller. For a number of years I had stopped writing poetry and even short stories and could not understand why it was I use to be so miserable. Life seemed to be taking me to task from one trial to the next. Many times we are faced with trying experiences, which can completely consume us and during these we rarely care to use our gifts.

I had stopped writing for a number of years and did not feel inspired too. Going from one form of disappointment to the next I never picked up a pen. What was the point? One night after getting out of another bad break up, I sat down to write how I was feeling. I just wanted to vent through my pen like I use too. I stared at the paper and for an entire hour all I saw staring back at me was a blank page. I thought I was experiencing writers block, yet I could see all of the words clearly in my mind but every time I went to write something I felt the most tremendous pressure and pain in my heart. I was completely confused. I said a short prayer, gave up and went to bed.

Upon waking the next morning I was still upset and decided to try again. It took all of my concentration to get out just a few lines. When I had gotten those words out, I read what I had written and did not even notice that tears were rolling down my cheek as I was reading. The words staring back at me from the paper said, “I am wrapped in a cloak of hopelessness and my only lover is pain. I see no point in continuing this wretched journey called life. For everything and everyone I have loved has deserted me and I am empty of a reason to live.”

I had not written for a very long time. Yet the words on this plain sheet of paper were a culmination of all I was feeling for so very long. I had pushed through the pain of loss without properly grieving. I had gone from one relationship to the next without properly healing. In the process of everything to make matters worse, I had closed off my heart and did not even utilize the gift God gave me to share with the world but to also peer into my own soul and know what was going on.

I HAD SIMPLY LOSS HOPE!

A Moment of Clarity

“1 Corinthians 13:13 says: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”  Hope is listed with the three fundamental platforms for spiritual growth and development. Much is said of faith and the importance of love, yet very little importance is given to the true value of hope.

Faith will help you to believe in that which is promised of God but unseen to the physical eyes, but exists in the spirit. Love will bind you to God, others and give you the motivation and devotion to act upon your faith. Yet it is hope that binds the two. For it is hope that when held within our bosom keeps us from giving up when our faith is tested. It is hope which drives us to move forward when our love is unrequited and even unappreciated. Yet without hope a man’s heart, will dry up like the Sahara and be completely consumed with despair. Without hope, our lives fill up with nothing but hurt and negatives. For when we give up on our hope, we cannot ever truly practice faith or enjoy sharing or being loved for we will not think there is any sincere value in any of it.

It was faith that God was able to keep his promise that made Abraham willing to sacrifice his promised son, love for God that made him be willing to do it but hope that God could change the circumstance that enabled him to even take the first step.

Today I encourage you to never give up hope in God, yourself or the value of your life and gifts. Remember we are all on a journey in life together as you learn each day to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Sharing Love and giving Hope is like wrapping and strengthening a strand of thread with steel wiring. Love is always hopeful and together strengthens our Faith even if it is just a weak thread.

Talking With God

“What is wrong with you?”

We seem sometimes to fail to understand just how important communication is in our daily lives. Whether it is our relationships with love ones or friends or our co-workers daily, our communication needs to always be clear so others can understand us. I thought about this to myself as I sat in my bosses’ office taking a tongue lashing for a mis-communication between myself and another coworker that caused us to lose an important client.

At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I had called the client and told them honestly we would not be able to provide the services they requested at the time they needed. The client took this to mean we did not want to do business with them. Unknown to me the client had told my supervisors if they had any more problems with their account or service they would pull their account from our company. How this client’s account got on my desk I still don’t know and even now wondered if God was punishing me for something.

I had not prayed or talked to God in months. My first line of communication had just been opened because the first thing I said was, “Lord help me.” I found it ironic how easily we call on God when we are in trouble but forget to sometimes just say thank you even for God protecting us from leaving home and returning safely daily. When my boss was done I held my head on my desk completely confused as what to do and whether or not I still had a job. My boss did not say anything about firing me but based on his mood I had seen him fire others for less.

As soft as a gentle breeze I heard a voice speak to me and say, “It will be alright.” For a moment I thought I was just delirious from the stress of my employer’s tirade but then I heard it again. This time I realized it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me and giving me comfort in my distress. Without me saying more than help me in my heart, God had heard and answered my cry. I felt ashamed and yet grateful at the same time.  I know I had not prayed to God for months and had been so busy and occupied with living my life. I had forgotten that the very life I was living was God’s gift. I prayed daily growing up because of my grandmother’s guidance but had forgotten just how important talking to God daily was. Even though I was still shaken from my employer’s shouting deluge, I was grateful for the reminder of how good it was to be able to talk to God daily in my life and hear a reply. I never forgot that lesson again.

Moment of Clarity

The bible speaks of how Jesus rose early to speak to God in prayer and take time to commune privately. Job made it his daily task to pray for his entire family early every morning. Our daily relationship with life and others begins and ends with our relationship with God. It is not our religion or what we say that matters but the fact we take time to speak with God daily. It gives us courage, strength and focus to face our day and even the unknown circumstances we will experience.

Life can be very trying and unpredictable, yet our one assurance in all we face is that God is with us and will never leave or desert us. Many times we face unnecessary trouble and sorrows, simply because we do not take the time to seek counsel from God or those that our Creator would send into our paths to assist us. We are not meant to live our lives as rudderless ships. Many times we wonder why God allows certain things to happen, yet a lot happens that is hurtful or harmful because we do not daily value the guidance God would give if only we seek him in all we do. Whether we are happy or sad, we can always find solace in the pursuit of a daily conversation with our maker.  God will never intrude rudely but patiently and loving waits for us to speak and also listen for a reply.

How often should I pray and talk to God? Constantly with no shame or feeling we are incapable of running our own affairs. Our business here on earth is to serve God and live productive and loving lives to increase the kingdom of love and light, who better to seek daily guidance, love and inspiration from than the one who created us.  I encourage you brothers and sisters in love daily talk to God and daily strive to be a Beacon of Life.

Beam of Light for the Week

Speaking from our hearts frees us from burdens we would otherwise have to carry. Speaking honestly about how you feel helps us to develop better relationship with others, ourselves and God.