TEARS THAT HEAL

How often have I heard as a boy growing up, “boy shut up men don’t cry.”  Words that seem to plague most of our men and boys in this country when it comes to understanding how to express our emotions and pain with out having our manhood called into question. Today was a day I did not care who saw me crying or not. The pain in my heart and chest felt as if a black hole in space had pulled all of my emotions out of me except for grief. A grief that consumed me so completely, that I was completely unaware of the fact that I was crying and who was around me.

I stared as if in some bad dream at the form I knew often. The smile that often gave me encouragement and the hands that tickled me as a little boy and made me laugh even when I did not feel like laughing now lay listless and lifeless. Disbelief and sorrow were my only companions at this moment. I had watched for a number of years as sickness had made the man I knew seem frailer and frailer in his body. However regardless of what struggles he faced, his spirit still remained strong and he was undaunted by circumstances that would have made most persons give up completely on life.

I was unaware of the stream of tears as they poured as a river out of my eyes. I heard the cries and saw the same pain reflected in the faces of my surrounding family members. Here lay, a man I respected, that helped to raise me, and named me, giving me both a purpose and a calling even through the name I was gifted with.  I loved my uncle dearly and the pain at seeing him suffer as his body deteriorated due to sickness broke my heart. Knowing there was nothing I could do for him, made the pain even more unbearable.  Yet daily except when the pain must have been to its most excruciating points I never once remember hearing him complain.

For the first time in my life, I saw something I never thought I would.  My grandfather was silently crying to himself.  This was a man I had seen remove an entire engine out by himself and was a man’s man in every way. Yet this day, upon his son’s burial his tears flowed freely as the very air we breathe.  There was no shame in his eyes, only pain and unbearable sadness. It was not encouragement for me to cry further but a revelation and understanding of how natural God had made our tears to be regardless of our gender.

I was anxious for the ceremony to be over. I could not tell you at what point the final words were spoken at the gravesite. All I knew were a lot of my memories felt as if they were being buried in that grave with each new shovel of earth heaved upon the glistening casket. Even now when I think back at that day the experience still brings a tear of sadness at my loss of such a good friend, role model and family member. Yet I am still grateful his suffering has ended.

A Moment of Clarity

We all have experienced in life some type of traumatic experience. Life can be very dismal at times and blissful at others.  Regardless of our gender, nationality or racial differences, our society teaches us sometimes to ignore the very gift God has given us in our tears.  We tell men and sometimes even women that our tears are a sign of weakness without fully understanding the mechanisms behind its purpose.  If our very tears were not meant for a purpose beyond just expressing our sorrow God would not have gifted them to us.

Physically our tears are meant to assist in keeping our eyes protected, moistened and to help remove any foreign particles from our eyes. Enabling us to continue seeing this beautiful world we are gifted with and enjoy the sight of a lovely sunrise amongst other visions of beauty.

In the same manner our tears are also a sign of release and healing from both emotional and spiritual pressures and toxins that can build up in our minds, bodies and soul just from day to day interactions. A great general in the American Army is quoted as saying ‘I am more afraid of a man and untrusting of one that does not know how to shed tears and believes that is strength, than someone who can be moved to tears in compassion.’

Our nation is in a state of trauma and pain where a lot of us are holding in sorrow, grief and despair from our daily lives. God admonished us to go into our closet to pray but also to place our woes in His hands. If that means you have to shed some tears to allow Him to empty you, heal you and then place you back on track I encourage you to do so. If God did not mean for our tears to help He would not have given them. Remember a good cry can clear both the eyes and sometimes the soul and each day strive to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Our hearts are like gardens. What we sow in them is what we will reap. So remember to sow seeds of love, peace and joy so that we can reap and share the same.

Dark Clouds

It was a regular dark night and I was working a part-time job as a Dominoes delivery driver.  Being ambitious I pursued trying to secure a more stable financial position for myself and my future.  The future like many of the great mysteries of life is veiled in uncertainty and no factual reassurances except those we base upon a foundation of faith.  For in wisdom, one will plan his future, set his goals and pursue them with a feverish passion to see those future endeavors become a reality.  Tonight was one such night for me.  I had dreamed of being able to save sufficient funds to procure myself a new personal computer.  In regards of over-all goal setting this might seem like a small matter but the lesson for me was not in what my goal’s pursuit was but the simple reality that we do not control every instance of our lives. 

I was on my last delivery for the night and it had been both an enjoyable and profitable night for me.  Little did I know my high spirits would soon be changed to one of a drearier and wretched state because of unforeseen circumstances?  I counted myself lucky to be on my last delivery then my first instance of misfortune occurred. I blew out a tire turning into Cottonwood corner in Pinewood Gardens.  It had been raining previously that day and I had not seen the sink-hole in the road.  I got out of my car to get my spare tire and jack only to discover misfortune number two.  I had lent out my jack to my cousin and he neither returned it nor did I remember that I had given it to him before now.  I could have kicked myself for being so forgetful and irresponsible for something so essential.

Luckily for me I was not too far away from a friend’s house but here was my next dilemma.   I was already forty minutes late with delivering my order from the time I spoke with my customer and my order was twenty minutes late leaving the store being an hour late in total.  My customer was located on the main Bamboo Boulevard and I decided to just walk and deliver his order before it got any later.

I was no more than fifteen feet from my customer’s house when it started to rain.  I ran so that his order would not have gotten wet since the bag offered it some protection.  I apologized for my tardiness and trudged back to my car cursing the rain on my way.  I was now drenched and it was dark and hard to see to change a tire.  Graciously my friend was home and lent me her tire jack.  Eventually I was able to get the tire changed and started my journey back to the store.

I was so exhausted from my day’s activities and disheartened by all of the miss-happenings I fell asleep in my car in the parking lot to the store.  I do not recall how long I was asleep but when I awoke I was still upset about what had happened that evening.  When I entered the store I saw by the expression on some of my co-workers faces that they were in shock and others were crying. To my disbelief, during the time I had taken a nap the store had been robbed at gun-point.  If I had entered the store at the approximate time I would have walked right into the robbery and possibly gotten hurt or caused someone else to have gotten hurt by startling the robber. As difficult as my evening was and although it appeared there was nothing but dark clouds blocking my view, those very dark clouds protected me and gave me a new perspective on how difficulties are not always meant to harm or discourage us as we journey in this life. 

 A Moment of Clarity

There will always be circumstances that cause dark clouds in your life where everything appears bleak and as if the very universe has turned against you.  Moments would make you want to despair, get angry and curse everything. It is hard to see a silver lining when all around appears to be bleak and not going your way.  Remember always that as difficult as it is to deal with painful and sometimes unexpected circumstances that those very circumstances can offer us the best opportunities to grow as individuals and even bring protection from even more dire situations.  Be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

The words thank you takes less than a second to say in most languages but a moment of gratitude is all it takes to impact a heart permanently.