The Bondage of Self Pity

The Nassau Guardian’s

 Beacon of Light

 The Bondage of Self Pity

Why me Lord?  The only words I could think of to say as I trudged along Wulff Road headed to Mackey Street to begin my arduous journey to Paradise Island so I could get to work on time.  I worked as a night auditor and manager at our illustrious Ocean Club at the time.  A job I loved but still found to be repetitive and mundane at times.  I hung my coat over my arm and began walking as I watched the tail lights of the Union Bus wink at me as the bus danced along Wulff Road almost mockingly as it continued its journey to pick up other lucky patrons who happened to arrive to the bus stop on time.  The bus couldn’t wait for one minute I kept saying over and over to myself.  I was angry and distraught my entire walk.  I kept muttering and cursing under my breath about how God could have done this to me.  I wasn’t a bad person I thought.  Upon my arrival to work I was drenched in sweat and my clothes were basically sticking to me.

The entirety of my night seemed to be one continuation of unfortunate events one after the other. At three o’clock in the morning when I should have been running my report the computer system had shut down for maintenance. I screamed so loudly I swore Mr. Kerzner heard me, where he was in Dubai at the time.  I looked at the phone awaiting a call to find out what that noise was at any moment.  After waiting an hour and a half I was finally able to run my report which had the incorrect date since I ran it after the maintenance and the IT department had already changed over for the new day.  It was going to be a task explaining to my supervisor why the figures for the following day were so inflated since I already knew it was because I ran the report late.

 I was exhausted from my walk and frustrating night. I don’t know when I fell asleep.  I was awoken by the gentle touch of the General Manager at 6 am which literally made my heart stop.  I knew that this morning was not going to end well.  Luckily I only received a written warning for both the report and my untimely nap.  However for me I felt like a victim of everything that had happened to me.  I was angry at my bosses for not being more understanding.  I was upset at the bus driver for being so impatient and leaving me when I was almost to the bus stop after the time I should have arrived.  I could not understand how the IT personnel could have made me mess up my report so badly.  Everything and everyone was to blame except for me. 

 A Moment of Clarity

Years after that night and many other days like it I sat down to analyze what had actually happened.  If I had made simple adjustments to my day and better preparation my night would have been differently. I went to bed two hours before I had to get up to get to the bus. I overslept and left ten minutes after the time I knew I would have possibly made it to the bus stop on time.  When I arrived to work I did not check my email as I know I should nightly. If I had I would have seen the email from the IT department instructing about closing off early due to the maintenance, I would have not missed running my report at the correct time.  If I had gotten sufficient sleep I would have been better rested, able to make it to the bus stop on time, had sufficient time to check my emails and possibly not fallen asleep and found by the general manager.  However none of this I could see was my fault because I was the victim of my circumstances and bad luck. I could not see beyond my own self-pity that the author of my own disastrous night was myself and ill prepared actions.

Self-pity takes both the responsibility and the resultant consequences for our decisions away from us and shifts it to anyone and thing besides ourselves whom we feel we can blame. We are blinded by our own self-pity to both the responsibility we have in the decisions we make and the power we have over our own choices and the ability to grow from our own failures or successes.   As long as we live in a spirit of self-pity we are victims to our environment, others and even our own behaviors because we are in bondage of our own imaginations and refusal to be responsible individuals.  God has given each of us free will so that we can learn to be both responsible in our choices and actions and even our devotion to the Creator in turn. Do not allow yourself to be in bondage of your own self-pity but take the responsibility for each of your choices each and know you are empowered to grow.

Be grateful for each moment of life you are given and learn to be everyday a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Know you are powerful beings made in love and light and can impact the lives of others in both positive and negatives. Just as a faucet is filled as it allows water to flow allow love to flow through you and your life into that of others and you will also be filled with that same love