Past Wounds Present Sores

“Ouch,” I cried. I fell again for the sixth time. “I can’t do this!” I shouted. I stormed inside and slammed the door. Frustrated and discouraged, I sat and whined. I watched the other children and felt that they were taunting me as they rode up and down the street.

“What happened?” my aunt asked as I sat sulking. “I hate that bicycle!” I shouted.

My aunt smiled,” And what could the bicycle have done to possible gander such anger and disdain from you?” I went on to explain how I just kept falling off and how everyone laughed at me. My aunt kissed the top of my head and encouraged me to take a break away from trying, then to go back at it.

“This is impossible,” I growled at my cousin. Years later here I was trying to learn to drive a standard shift car I had recently bought. I had never driven a manual car before and it was exasperating trying to figure out how to use the clutch and to balance out using the gas pedal. “Hey you bought the car,” my cousin replied as he held his hands out. I was completely annoyed and felt like giving up. My cousin was being patient but I wasn’t getting it. Every time I tried to move the car it just stalled and shut off. As I was listening to him explain to me how to balance using the clutch and gas pedal as one unit, I started to think back to when I was first learning to ride a bike.

I still remember dusting dirt off myself a week after my aunt had encouraged me to be patient and try again. I was on my tenth fall and was ready to run back inside. Inside my heart I did not feel like giving up. My cousin was patient even then trying to help me learn how to ride. I looked at him and he told me it is up to you. He told me to believe in myself. I picked the bicycle up and determined in my heart to try again. As I rode the first five feet, I felt good but fell again. This time I did not feel as discouraged because I had managed to make some type of progress. It took me another ten more tries before I was able to ride smoothly without losing my balance. By the end of the day I was a bike rider and proud.

The engine sputtered again, but the car stayed on. I was able to go at least a quarter mile before the car sputtered and died. My cousin smiled at me with a cocky look like a peacock. “Ok, Ok you were right.” I laughed back as I tried again. By the end of the day I was driving with enough efficiency that I could manage to move without my engine shutting off. I was still timid about coming out of corners but I was able to at least manage to move from one point to another without being embarrassed about the car shutting off.

A Moment of Clarity

As children we learn the foundation of the habits and skills that will either help or hurt us as we grow and mature. Many times the hurts and disappointments we experience as children can turn into resentment and bitterness as adults if we never learn to properly confront such.  The fear of failure can grip and keep many persons from trying to achieve more in their lives. This is due to not wanting to face either disappointment or failure of achieving a set goal. We can further feel embarrassment, a sense of deep emotional lack on an individual’s part or even develop a sense that one is not good enough and should not try.

As individuals God has given all of us an individually unique path in life to walk. On this path we sometimes have a smooth walk and at others the path is quite rocky and difficult. The purpose of the smooth path is to give us opportunities to prepare for the times life will not go as well or smoothly as we like. The rocky paths are for us to learn and develop the skills or even new skills we need to grow and enjoy when we are on smooth paths. Often we do not take advantage of the rocky paths as God intended but instead became engrossed in the emotional baggage we develop on the way and miss the lessons completely.  This usually begins from childhood when the hurts or disappoints we experience we carry with us as adult and never properly learn to confront conflicts or disappointment. Today I encourage you to let your old hurts heal so they won’t be sores today as your learn each day to be a Beacon of Light.

 Beam of Light for the Week 

Say I love you to the people you cherish daily and never let a moment pass without showing gratitude when the opportunity presents itself.